I feel like I’m in this space where I’m fat because I’m depressed and I’m depressed because I’m fat.
Where simple movements are becoming difficult and feeling fit is a distant memory.
I’m so annoyed with myself for letting it get this bad. I don’t recognise myself. I feel this isn’t me, this isn’t what I want.
There are many things I feel I should be doing and want to do, to change my life, and each day I set out to make some kind of difference. And yet each day turns out the same, a long to do list barely touched and time wasted doing anything but my to do list. Why??
It’s like I’m in a constant battle with myself to get the simplest things done.
I need some wins. Some momentum in the right direction.
I thought this year would be IT, you know, the year I would finally get my sh!t together. I was so excited for it to be here. But I didn’t prepare well enough.
I have to form some new habits. Gradually.
I can’t change overnight, so I’m trying to tell myself. Not if I want it to stick.
It’s possible I could seek some counselling to help sort my jumble of dysfunctional thoughts and emotions, and hopefully find some clarity.
It’s possible to have PND following a miscarriage.
It’s possible that becoming a full-time stay-at-home-mum, falling pregnant, suffering a miscarriage and moving house in a 2.5 month timeframe is still having repercussions today… over 12 months later.
Is there light at the end of this tunnel?